David, a Horrible Father. II Samuel 16-18

by Mike Durrill


[33] And the king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And as he went, he said, "O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!" - 2 Samuel 18:33 ESV

Too little. Too late. Friend of God, king of Israel, ultimate warrior, loyal friend.

Horrible father.

David's son, Absalom suffered internally. He was a son with an absent father. He was a son that endured tremendous false guilt. He was a son that was punished unfairly. He was a son without a father...yet he had a father.

Internally, he blamed himself that his sister Tamar had been assaulted and raped by Ammon, her step brother while she was staying in Absalom's house. Instead of doling out consequences, David pretended it didn't happen and swept it under the rug, while Absalom hurt and seethed internally. Instead of reassuring Absalom, he applies guilt upon him with his silence.

A couple of years go by and Absalom pleads...no, begs his father to come with him on a family "vacation" and spend time with him and his family. David feigns humility by saying he would be too much of a burden and refuses, but says, "Go and have a good time." The family gathering turns ugly...Absalom's internal seething turns to boiling rage and he plans the murder of his step-brother Ammon for raping Tamar. (see II Samuel 13:23-26)

David wrestles with what has happened and longs to go to Absalom...but doesn't.

Look at David's God given desire - [39] And the spirit of the king longed to go out to Absalom, because he was comforted about Amnon, since he was dead. - 2 Samuel 13:39 ESV

Instead, David listens to counsel and refuses to see Absalom for another two years. Rather then going to his son and working through the problems, he punishes him with the silent treatment. In order to gain an audience with the "king" Absalom resorts to burning down Joab's fields! Finally, the "king" will see him.

In a short amount of time, we see a son who loved his father and longed to be with him, turn into a man who hates everything that has anything to do with his father. In blind fury he seeks his father's throne and his father's life. In the end, Absalom is murdered by David's men and his corpse thrown into a pit in the forest.

Yes, the son made his own decisions, but the father failed. Miserably.

David, the friend of God, did not befriend his own son.